#RealTalk with Rachel Dawn

Sometimes despite all your best efforts, cautions, standards and tenacity you just get hurt.

Sometimes you just have to let people go.

Sometimes you end up hurting those you love most.

Sometimes you just screw up and miss it all together. And in those times when you just don’t think you can get any lower or screw up any more… You find grace. And realize it’s all going to be ok.

Sometimes you just have to let people IN, despite how vulnerable that makes you feel. Because in the end they will end up helping you grow, making you a better person.

Sometimes you discover things about yourself you never knew. Some of those things you may not like. Others you may be pleasantly surprised by.

God always knows best.

He brings people and things into our lives right when we need them.

Sometimes making new friends is exactly what you need. Sometimes re-finding old best friends is the only thing you need. And when you do, it’s the best feeling in the world.

Sometimes your circumstances- usually the ones you don’t like – are absolutely no one’s fault but your own. And you just have to deal with them, learn from them, and avoid them again in the future.

Sometimes you just need to slow down take a deep breath and start over. Maybe even tomorrow.

Sometimes you just need to take a nap!

Disciplined is not something that you are, or you aren’t. It’s a daily battle, to be disciplined, and it is determined only by the decisions you make, and the actions you take.

The same is true for everything about you in life. You are not who you think you are, or who you believe you are, you are only the decisions you make, every day.

Which brings me to my next point – you can only lie to yourself so long.

The good news about that is, you can be someone completely different than you are today, just by making different decisions tomorrow. You can be exactly who you want to be.

Sometimes, that’s a relief, because you don’t like who you are today.

And if you do like who you are today, all you have to do is make those same quality decisions tomorrow.

Sometimes – no, all of the time – other people’s actions are completely out of your control. The sooner you realize that and let that go, the easier life becomes. Even if their actions and decisions hurt you in the meantime.

Because sometimes despite all your best efforts, cautions, standards and tenacity you just get hurt.

[January 1, 2010]

My friend Tim died suddenly. He was 35. I was with him two weeks prior, joking around, pushing, poking. Then his heart stopped beating and he was gone. I will never see him again on this earth.

After his death, I was struggling with the decision of whether or not to attend his funeral or a Christian leadership conference that was coming up the same weekend. We were going to be taking a friend with us to the conference who tried to commit suicide two weeks before. As I contemplated the decision, weighing in my mind were things like being judged by other people for not going, and disappointing others if I decided to go and miss part of the conference instead.

While battling with it in my hotel room, I heard, Tim say as clear as a bell in my head, “Rach, of course you need to go the conference, don’t worry about me.”

And that was that. My decision was made. Other people’s opinion’s aside, I knew what I needed to do.

Because I knew Tim, I knew his heart, I knew his passion, I knew his calling in life. Because I touched him, and heard his voice, and saw his face. Because I knew the inflection he used when he spoke, and the shape his mouth made when it formed words, and the expressions his eyes gave when he told a story…. I knew what he would want me to do in that situation.

And then it dawned on me, that’s how well I need to know and recognize God’s voice. I want it to be that clear and unquestionable. I never want to doubt again when I hear a directive: is this from God, or is this from my head?

So how do I get to hearing His voice that clearly? By getting to know God as intimately as I knew my friend Tim. To know His heart, and his desires for me – which is always what’s best for me.

As I pondered all of this, for the first time in my life “discernment” clicked for me. I made a revelation I can never unmake. Really truly being able to hear from and follow God’s Voice became a little more believable for me, and I have a clear mission and plan on how to get to that place.

Even after he left the earth, my friend Tim is still teaching me new things.

[January 2014]