Tag: anger

A Grief Observed

freedom, grief, Life Lessons, memoir, Spiritual Growth

“Losing a beloved is an amputation.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed I once listened to a podcast in which a psychiatrist was talking about why it feels like we lose a part of ourselves when we lose a loved one. He said that, unwittingly, we store information, memories and experiences in the brains of other people we are close to; like an external hard drive. Our own minds have limited capacity to keep all the data we need, so we share mental and emotional data resources with others. We see this phenomenon to be particularly true when someone loses a spouse and has no idea what the bank password is, or what…

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The Year God Stopped Talking to Me

faith, Life Lessons, Spiritual Growth

New year’s day 2016 I sat on my living room couch, face red-stained and eyes puffy from hours of crying, my voice half-strained from screaming – at God – in particularly colorful language at times. Why? Because it was New Year’s Day and as I sat down to reflect on the previous year and craft my plans and goals for the next, I realized 2015…..Well…..sucked. Sure there were good things in 2015.  In fact, on the outside it looked like a GREAT year: We bought our first house. Barry left his job where he was miserable and went into business with his Dad. We took my my mom on an incredible trip to…

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Nothing is Ever Hopeless

faith, Life Lessons, marriage, relationships

I have personally experienced the deep, agonizing pain of hopelessness in a marriage. Riding the merry-go-round of blame and shame and anger and bitterness. Being too exhausted to even try anymore.  Feeling like the only solution is out.  That the ONLY possible way either one of you can be happy is to leave and start over. But please trust me, even when it feels like it is….. I let the hopelessness swallow me whole once.  And it cost me my first marriage. I have caught momentary glimpses of this hopelessness at times in my marriage now, but I refuse to give up.  My mentality is so different now.  I stay hopeful.  (And pray…

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