Tag: daddy

I Love to Tell the Story

faith, grief

My Daddy went to be with Jesus in December. Because I spent nine years grieving in anticipation, as he slipped further into his dementia, losing him a little every day, I have been surprised by the enormity of the shock I feel now. I keep having moments of realization over and over, in the middle of otherwise ordinary days: My Daddy is dead. Forever. It’s the finality of it that arrests me. I keep having to remind myself: his loss is still so fresh and recent, every time I am overcome by BIG, LOUD grief days and am surprised to find it hard to function well. I have been living and writing and…

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Worthy of Joy

faith, grief, momming

I bought this sweatsuit for myself some time in the last month while out running Christmas errands. Because apparently in this season of my life, self-care looks like treating myself to cozy clothes. I put it on for the first time the day after my Daddy died. My son, Samson, is learning to read, so he points and asks what things say a lot right now, when he can’t make it out himself. He asked about my shirt, the cursive script throwing him for a loop. When I told him the word was, “Joy”, he asked me why I was wearing that, if I was happy Grandaddy died. I came close and I…

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On Death, Loss and Resurrection

faith, grief, momming

Easter looked different for us this year. I hesitated to even post this picture because it is so shockingly deceiving. What you see is the smiling faces that have posed on this same back deck for the last 20+ years. What you don’t see is the pain, the heaviness, and the deep, deep grief that is carried behind each of those smiles. At first glance, you might notice my brother is missing. Not uncommon, as there were years in the past he was “too busy” to come to Easter. But, my brother died two years ago, so, of course, he will never be in another Easter photo again. That’s an image I’ve already…

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