The Day I Was the Sun (Metaphorically Speaking)

The mid-afternoon sky was cluttered with ripples of brush-stroked clouds that day,
But the sky was still light.
Splashes of bright blue broke up the cream and grey colored bodies of dirty air.
The relentless sun made her best effort to escape the shadows.
Beams of luminescence escaped small pockets in the puffy clouds that crowded the yellow ball.
She danced along the outside of their darkening hues – making them three dimensional against their fixed backdrop.
Bright white glowed along the edges of each one,
Hindering their intimidating discoloration.
In all their might,
The clouds tried keeping her hidden that day,
But she was far too tenacious to be averted.

The air was chilled.
Crisp.
As it usually was that time of the year
In the city.
The short-lived days of eighty degrees and sun-filled expanses had passed on,
Giving way to the cooler days of the impending season change.
There was no rain,
Although the clouds looked anxious to deliver.

Despite all the opposing elements,
There she was –
Spilling out beyond the clouds;
So that every eye could see her still
Among the grays that faced the earth’s surface.
She saw the brightness
On the back side of the clouds
That others could not yet see.
And the sun, she shined on.

-2006

The Best Days of Your Life

best days
Every year, I tape a quote to the front of my planner, something I am going to focus on for the year.

This is what I choose for 2013. March of that year would mark 2 years since my divorce, and 3 years since my husband left.

2010 and 2011 were a blur, as everything I believed in and the picture I held of my life shattered in front of me.

2012 was the year God chased after me relentlessly, as I was running full speed away, and invited me into a new, fresh relationship with Him unlike anything I had ever experienced. But I still struggled to see how my my dreams could ever look like they once did.

I chose this quote for 2013 because it was something I needed to believe. Something I needed to be reminded of as often as every day.

Little did I know that 2013 would be the year I would get engaged and remarried. (Not that getting married is the answer to all your problems and sorrows, by any means). But for me, my journey toward remarriage was the most intense learning and growing period of my life. My book and my calling were literally birthed out of those six months I threw myself into preparing for our marriage. God took me by the hand and led me to the place where I could see these words were absolutely true.
(and He wants to do the same for you)

Weighted Words

The first time someone tells you they took notes on your talk, is a humbling and sobering moment. You realize you’re not just talking anymore.

I’ve always been a story-teller, but now my stories carry a weight and a purpose, and can change people’s lives.

They always have on a smaller scale. Words are seeds. Seeds we plant in our own mind and our own lives, as well as in the lives of those we encounter.

A few weeks ago my church played a music video for “Shake It Out” by Florence + The Machine that they remade. You should go watch it, but for those of you with limited time I’ll attempt to help you visualize: It starts with a scene of a little girl practicing her ballet for her father, she’s so proud to show him what she’s learned. He claps and nods in approval then the words, “you can do better” slip carelessly from his mouth. The words are written in smoke on the screen and travel to the little girl’s ears. Then manifest as a the word “perfectionism” being branded on her chest. Several other scenes of children with their fathers follow, and different words are tattooed on their small, impressionable bodies from the words spoken to them. Those labels become identities, which become demons with whom they battle through to their adult lives.

The video is powerful. It’s shaking. It leaves a lasting impression. It’s absolutely true.

And it’s not just children who are affected by words, we all are. You know that phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? Yeah, that’s a lie. I’m sure it wouldn’t take you long at all to think about some hurtful words you received at some point in your life that still occasionally (or constantly) haunt you. Or even some positive words you heard that have driven you, or molded you.

Now I’m speaking words from a larger platform and more people are being impacted than just my friend on the phone or the person on the other side of the Starbucks table. Which is exactly what I wanted, what I know God is orchestrating, but the reminder struck me with such a sense of responsibility in that moment.

“To whom much is given, much is required.” -Luke 12:48

A select handful of close friends have read my book already on order to help me tweak it and to provide “advanced reviews/praise” for the release.

One of those friends recently told me that she took a lot of notes while reading my book. I giggled a little and told her, “I never thought about people taking notes from something I wrote. But I guess that makes sense because I take notes from books I read.”

It’s little milestones like these that keep me encouraged and moving forward on this journey.

The bigger my platform grows the more people my words will reach, and the bigger the responsibility I have to consider every word I let out.

No matter whether they come from my fingertips through the keys or out of my mouth, my resolution is that every word I produce: uplifts, encourages, inspires, provides hope, and comforts a hurting heart. I want people to receive a Breath of Fresh Air through me. To feel lighter, empowered, brave, comfortable and confident after I leave them. I want to lift the weight of shame, guilt, doubt, uncertainty and depression off their shoulders in the time I have with them.

That’s a lot. A big responsibility. It could be a lot of pressure. But I know I cannot do any of this in and of myself. It doesn’t come from me anyway. I’m only a grateful conduit of this transfer of love, grace, hope and inspiration with my words.

My task now is to always keep in check where my words are originating, are they from my flesh or from my Spirit? I will not always have the right words to say, but I don’t have to.

“Then the LORD reached out and touched my mouth and said, “Look, I have put my words in your mouth!” – Jeremiah 1:9

“For it was I, the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.” – Psalm 81:10