This week a professional friend/acquaintance told me “you have one of the happiest marriages I’ve ever seen on Facebook.”

While I appreciate what he said, his comment in and of itself was a can of worms.  I mean, we are all guilty of using our Social Media pages to portray the “highlight reel” of our lives – I certainly wasn’t posting a status update about the little squabble Barry and I had thirty minutes after that compliment!!  But later that night I thought about what he said while I was taking a shower.  Then I looked up and a reminder of why this is was literally right in front of me.

You want to know why my marriage is successful?  Happy?  Not perfect – but (a lot) more good days than bad?

Because these words cling to our shower wall and we read them every day, most days out loud.

We are programming our minds with these positive thoughts and attributes DAILY.   Literally, speaking life into them.  Speaking each of them into manifestation in our lives.

Do you notice how they are all action phrases?  Deliberate choices.

So when one of us is moody or grouchy or tired or hungry and a quarrel begins, these are the words playing louder than any other track in my mind.  And it’s a lot easier to “avoid foolish and ignorant disputes” and keep my mouth shut, when I remember I already told myself I would today.

Having a happy marriage has NOTHING to do with finding “the right one” or your “soul mate”.  And happy marriages don’t just fall into place effortlessly.  Having a good marriage is the result of conscious, daily effort.  It’s work.

It’s choosing to let the snide comment go, and ignore the annoying habit.  It’s choosing to put someone else before yourself. It’s choosing not to be offended, or hold grudges, or keep a record of every misdeed. It’s choosing to see your spouse in the best light, even when that’s not really what you see at the moment.  It’s choosing to interpret what they said in a positive manner – not the manner that pisses you off – because honestly, that’s probably how they meant it.  It’s choosing to avoid strife.

A successful marriage, like success in almost any area of life, is really nothing more than a series of small (sometimes large, but mostly small) daily decisions.  But you must decide every day.

One of those decisions is choosing what you put/program in your mind about your spouse and about your marriage.  This has been a great place to start for us.  You can get your own shower cling here: http://clingtoyourconfession.com/clings

(If you’re not familiar with the concept and power of Positive Confession this probably all seems really weird to you, but diving into that subject is for another day and another post.  You can start with these books if you’d like to research on your own: “Hung By the Tongue: What You Say is What You Get”  & “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself”)