Tag: brother

A House Upon the Sand

faith, grief, memoir

The moment my brother ended his life, the foundational level of safety and security I lived with for 36 years crumbled beneath my very feet. I felt the innate protection of my big brother growing up. When I started elementary school, I was never picked on on the playground because everyone knew he was also there. In middle school, if a boy broke my heart or wouldn’t take no for an answer, I only had to mention a name in front of my brother and the problem would be mitigated. But even as an adult, that layer of security was steady and sure. At 25, my first husband secretively walked out on me…

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Never Enough

grief, Life Lessons, memoir, Spiritual Growth

Play to Win In the Summer of 2020, my brother was on an internet reality show called Play to Win. The show, produced by a husband-and-wife entrepreneur team, is a spinoff-of-sorts of NBC’s primetime hit The Apprentice. A group of contestants compete for a “life-changing job” or a “six-figure coaching opportunity”. [1]. During one interview with the hosts, the wife called my brother out for being fake, wearing a mask. She said, “I feel like there’s something you’re hiding. …Maybe it’s because you always have a smile on your face. …You hide your true self behind the smiles and the positivity all the time.” With teary eyes and trembling voice my brother described…

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Inventory Your Losses

grief, memoir

The Shot Heart Round the County When my brother was 17, he made a half-court basketball shot that changed his life. He was not a basketball player, save for the one year he joined the team in elementary school, when he learned it was not his passion. But like a lot of kids, we had a hoop in our driveway and grew up shooting H.O.R.S.E. and P.I.G. on the makeshift blacktop court with cousins and friends. In our small, sleepy Kentucky town, high school basketball games were practically a social engagement. Everyone goes. Same with football. Local businesses sponsor the team and host special events at the games to boost attendance (and for…

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It’s Got to Be Like Planning a Party, Right?

faith, freedom, grief, memoir

Confetti, Hope and 3/16 My mom plopped down across from me in the nursery looking hurried and determined as she readied to leave my house. She and my Dad had stayed with us three of the four weeks since my son was born, but today they were rushing back home. It had been less than 12 hours since the phone call that changed our lives. They were trying to beat the news back to my Grandmother – my Memaw – so she could hear about the death of her only grandson from them instead of Channel 12. They didn’t make it, by the way. The story broke before they could drive the three…

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Reads Like Fiction

grief, memoir

February 27th, 2021 It was an unseasonably warm Saturday for late February in Ohio. So warm, in fact, that we opened the windows, letting the fresh air blow through my house. An oasis in the dead of winter. My husband and I were sitting at our kitchen table playing cards with my parents, feeling like actual human beings considering it was the first time we’d been able to do anything besides eat or sleep since the day my water burst and a newborn was thrust into our world. We were new parents drowning in all the wonderful, exhausting chaos that comes with the role. Our son was napping in the living room just…

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On Death, Loss and Resurrection

faith, grief, momming

Easter looked different for us this year. I hesitated to even post this picture because it is so shockingly deceiving. What you see is the smiling faces that have posed on this same back deck for the last 20+ years. What you don’t see is the pain, the heaviness, and the deep, deep grief that is carried behind each of those smiles. At first glance, you might notice my brother is missing. Not uncommon, as there were years in the past he was “too busy” to come to Easter. But, my brother died two years ago, so, of course, he will never be in another Easter photo again. That’s an image I’ve already…

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The Other Brother

faith, freedom, grace, Life Lessons

I can pinpoint the exact season(s) in my life when I have been the prodigal. The rest of the time, I have been really, really good at being the other brother. Feeling like I deserve things because I’m “the good one”, the responsible one; I follow the rules, I make good grades, I make good decisions. I’m REALLY good at being good. But notice the character for whom the story is written. The reason it’s recorded in history. It’s called “the parable of the lost son”, not “the parable of the really good son”. God LOVES the prodigals. They bring Him so much joy! He loves to celebrate them!  It’s not that He…

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Little Sister, Please Remember

Life Lessons

A Response to “Big Brother, Don’t You See….” Little sister, please remember big brother isn’t perfect nor will he ever be if you put him on a pedestal one day he’ll let you down, you see. Little sister, please remember He’s a human being just like you You need to let him be Give him room to grow and grace To make mistakes, he’s free. Little sister, please remember if you adhere him to your standards he will never measure up always falling short of filling your half-empty cup. Expecting him to be perfect So critical we are But who are we to judge? Or to be setting the bar? So little sister,…

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Big Brother, Don’t You See

Life Lessons, relationships

A few weeks ago, I sat watching my niece and nephew play together.  I smiled and felt a sting of pain simultaneously as I watched the way she looked at him.  She never left his side; she needed to be everywhere he was, doing everything he was doing, at every moment.  And to use an antiquated expression, you would think he hung the moon by the look in her eyes. “It starts that young”, I marveled aloud to my husband. At 20 months she already idolizes her almost 3 year old brother.  I wondered at what age he would become cognizant of it, and how he would take to that responsibility – knowing…

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