Tag: suicide

A House Upon the Sand

faith, grief, memoir

The moment my brother ended his life, the foundational level of safety and security I lived with for 36 years crumbled beneath my very feet. I felt the innate protection of my big brother growing up. When I started elementary school, I was never picked on on the playground because everyone knew he was also there. In middle school, if a boy broke my heart or wouldn’t take no for an answer, I only had to mention a name in front of my brother and the problem would be mitigated. But even as an adult, that layer of security was steady and sure. At 25, my first husband secretively walked out on me…

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Never Enough

grief, Life Lessons, memoir, Spiritual Growth

Play to Win In the Summer of 2020, my brother was on an internet reality show called Play to Win. The show, produced by a husband-and-wife entrepreneur team, is a spinoff-of-sorts of NBC’s primetime hit The Apprentice. A group of contestants compete for a “life-changing job” or a “six-figure coaching opportunity”. [1]. During one interview with the hosts, the wife called my brother out for being fake, wearing a mask. She said, “I feel like there’s something you’re hiding. …Maybe it’s because you always have a smile on your face. …You hide your true self behind the smiles and the positivity all the time.” With teary eyes and trembling voice my brother described…

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Inventory Your Losses

grief, memoir

The Shot Heart Round the County When my brother was 17, he made a half-court basketball shot that changed his life. He was not a basketball player, save for the one year he joined the team in elementary school, when he learned it was not his passion. But like a lot of kids, we had a hoop in our driveway and grew up shooting H.O.R.S.E. and P.I.G. on the makeshift blacktop court with cousins and friends. In our small, sleepy Kentucky town, high school basketball games were practically a social engagement. Everyone goes. Same with football. Local businesses sponsor the team and host special events at the games to boost attendance (and for…

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A Grief Observed

freedom, grief, Life Lessons, memoir, Spiritual Growth

“Losing a beloved is an amputation.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed I once listened to a podcast in which a psychiatrist was talking about why it feels like we lose a part of ourselves when we lose a loved one. He said that, unwittingly, we store information, memories and experiences in the brains of other people we are close to; like an external hard drive. Our own minds have limited capacity to keep all the data we need, so we share mental and emotional data resources with others. We see this phenomenon to be particularly true when someone loses a spouse and has no idea what the bank password is, or what…

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It’s Got to Be Like Planning a Party, Right?

faith, freedom, grief, memoir

Confetti, Hope and 3/16 My mom plopped down across from me in the nursery looking hurried and determined as she readied to leave my house. She and my Dad had stayed with us three of the four weeks since my son was born, but today they were rushing back home. It had been less than 12 hours since the phone call that changed our lives. They were trying to beat the news back to my Grandmother – my Memaw – so she could hear about the death of her only grandson from them instead of Channel 12. They didn’t make it, by the way. The story broke before they could drive the three…

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The Call

grief, memoir, momming

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2021 It was just after 9pm when the call came. I was in the rocking chair in the nursery, breastfeeding my son. My husband, who had been fielding all of the phone calls for the last week – from investigators, and search parties, and the news reporters – was presently on a flight to Arizona, to join the search for my missing brother. “Mrs. Neuberger?” “Yes, this is her,” I answered in a low voice, not wanting to involve my newborn in what was likely to be a life-altering conversation. She chose her next words carefully and delivered them with a clinical degree of care, “We located John below the…

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Surviving High School

grace, Life Lessons

Saw an article yesterday about a beautiful 16 year old girl who committed suicide over Christmas and I feel convicted to say this to my younger friends on here: High school, like many things in this life, in this world, is temporary. Keep the big picture in your mind at all times. I know it’s difficult, but think more long-term than what is happening this week or this month. Be about bigger things in life. Build your name, your reputation, on things of character. If you have really messed up and made a mistake, or made a fool of yourself – it’s ok, we’ve all been there. Apologize where necessary, forgive yourself and…

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