The Most Important Thing I Learned About Marriage

In chapter 7 of Now What? A Story of Broken Dreams and the God Who Restores Them, I share everything I learned about marriage on my journey to my second wedding.

The 👉 most important 👈 thing is what I am posting below, which I recently re-wrote in a message to a friend who is in the throes of a crumbling marriage.

I have personally lived, and seen in other’s lives, the devastating effects of when we get this part wrong.

It looks like months of barely eating, or getting out of bed. It looks like darkness, shame, isolation, and utter hopelessness. It looks like running for comfort in someone else’s bed. And it looks like being willing to do anything imaginable to make the heartache stop – up to and including stopping your own heart.

So I am repeating these words again for whoever needs to hear and receive them:

👉We CANNOT put our hope in another human being to be everything we need.
It is impossible for them and inevitably we will be disappointed and end up broken-hearted. EVERY time.
It’s not even fair for us to expect someone else to complete us or make us whole.
That’s not what they were created for. 👈
That’s not how marriage is designed.
Only Jesus can truly fill that role of “soulmate”, friend. [And if you’re wondering what that means and what that looks like practically, please reach out to me, I have some resources to recommend.]

👉Our happiness cannot be dependent on whether or not our marriage works out, or if our spouse changes, or whether they stay or go. Other people are entirely out of our control.
And in this broken world, we hurt each other, even when we don’t mean to.

So you’ve got to set your mind ahead of time that Jesus will be enough, no matter what your spouse does or doesn’t do.

Have you ever found yourself basing your happiness – or even your survival – on another person’s actions/decisions? This doesn’t just happen in marriages, it can happen in any relationship.

Consider what pressure it would take off that person if you stopped doing that, and the freedom that would bring to you and your relationship.

Talk to God about it. Ask Him to show you what that would look like.