second marriage

Dear 21 Year Old Self…

grace, Life Lessons, marriage, relationships, second marriage, Spiritual Growth

Twelve years ago – on this very day (as Shutterfly so aptly reminded me) – I was saying “I do” for the first time in my life. I was young, naïve, blissfully ignorant…. And so, so, so misinformed. I meant the words I said with all of my 21-year-old heart, but I was ill-equipped to fulfill them. I was short-tempered, self-righteous, and lacked any understanding of the word Grace whatsoever. The bigger problem was my mountain of unrealistic expectations.  I was expecting marriage to fulfill me. My husband to complete me. And thought we would live happily-ever-after day-after-day. I read recently that, “Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen.” I did not hide my…

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Jesus with Skin on

grace, marriage, relationships, second marriage, Spiritual Growth

Earlier this Spring, my husband took a group of high school guys to an event our church coordinates called “MAN CAMP“. He left Friday morning before I woke up, so when I came into the kitchen to fix myself breakfast, I found a note waiting for me. It started with “Morning Rach! A few things…” and I felt myself bristle. I expected it to be a list of things he wanted me to do/take care of while he was gone. Because that’s the kind of note I would have left him. In fact, I had been leaving him lots of notes like that lately, because in my opinion, he had been increasingly pulling…

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God Will Never Give You Someone Else’s Husband

Life Lessons, marriage, relationships, second marriage

A friend of mine recently posted this image on Facebook and I was torn by it. While I wholeheartedly agree with its truthful message, I was a little jarred by its delivery. In my past life, I would have reposted the image with hearty agreement, and all the judgment and condemnation I could muster to go along with it. (Note: I’m not criticizing the poster for posting. I don’t know her story. Maybe there’s a woman pursuing her husband right now, and these words are coming from a fragile, threatened heart? I’m just saying in my past life, I would have clicked “post” from a place of self-righteous pride.) But for me today,…

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Wherever You Go, There You Are: How to Stop Running and Start Facing Life’s Challenges

faith, freedom, grace, Guest Blogs, Life Lessons, marriage, second marriage, Spiritual Growth

“Wherever you go, there you are.” That simple, yet profound, quote is one of my favorites.  It plainly illustrates the truth that you can’t outrun your problems.  No matter how far you go or how hard you try.  Wherever you go, you will be there and until you deal with you, your problems won’t go away. When I was working on my book, I had a vision for the second half to be a collection of stories from other people who had also been through what I called a “Now What? Moment”.  A moment when everything in your life comes crashing down around you and you stare hopelessly at the sky asking, “Now…

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11 Love Songs for the Lonely

marriage, relationships, second marriage

I remember the first time I went grocery shopping alone as my marriage was disintegrating.  Grocery shopping was something we had always done together. I was walking the aisles feeling pretty sorry for myself already when suddenly the PA system starts playing some 98 Degrees love song that sparked a memory of the beginning of our relationship. The season of it that was white-hot and whirlwind and so certainly God-and-cosmic-universe-ordained.  The part of our relationship that was nothing like what it was now.  The part when I could have never imagined I would ever be grocery shopping alone again for the rest of my life.  But here I was. I absolutely lost it…

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5 Things to Remember if You’re Feeling Less-than-Loved

marriage, relationships, second marriage

Love. That’s the theme of the entire month of February. But for upwards of 50% of the population of the U.S., that’s not a theme worth celebrating. This month only serves as a painful reminder of heartaches and disenchantment from the Disney fairy-tale dream they were promised by today’s culture. My divorce papers were served to me in February of 2011. I was 25. And I found myself crying out, “Now What?” from the hopeless pit of despair in which I sat. Many of you reading these words right now will be sitting in that same place as this February 14th rolls around. For you, it’s more like Singles Awareness Day. And my…

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I am a Failure

Life Lessons, marriage, relationships, second marriage, Spiritual Growth

Recently, I received a brokenhearted email from a friend. Her email read simply, “Today, I am struggling with feeling like a failure as a wife”. My heart wretched inside me. In a time and place not so long ago, I had uttered those exact words. I struggled with that exact thought in my own mind. Have you ever had those thoughts? I’m a failure. Damaged goods. Tainted. Too far gone. A lost cause. My divorce was the first time in my life I had failed at something. I failed at marriage. I couldn’t make it work no matter how hard I tried. My marriage failed. I failed. Therefore, I am a failure. That…

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Ronnie & Nancy

marriage, second marriage

He was married for nearly a decade; they shared a common interest and career in filmmaking.  Their union produced a daughter by birth and a son by adoption, and the couple also lost a daughter.  She filed for the divorce – neither of them ever publicly commented on its causes or its reasons.  Instead, they remained amicable and cared capably for their two children.  Both continued to work in their chosen professions.  both continued to move in the same circle of friends, acquaintances, and co-workers. Three years after the divorce he found the courage to marry again. He had met Nancy on a blind date arranged by a mutual friend.  After two years…

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