relationships

Dear 21 Year Old Self…

grace, Life Lessons, marriage, relationships, second marriage, Spiritual Growth

Twelve years ago – on this very day (as Shutterfly so aptly reminded me) – I was saying “I do” for the first time in my life. I was young, naïve, blissfully ignorant…. And so, so, so misinformed. I meant the words I said with all of my 21-year-old heart, but I was ill-equipped to fulfill them. I was short-tempered, self-righteous, and lacked any understanding of the word Grace whatsoever. The bigger problem was my mountain of unrealistic expectations.  I was expecting marriage to fulfill me. My husband to complete me. And thought we would live happily-ever-after day-after-day. I read recently that, “Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen.” I did not hide my…

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Jesus with Skin on

grace, marriage, relationships, second marriage, Spiritual Growth

Earlier this Spring, my husband took a group of high school guys to an event our church coordinates called “MAN CAMP“. He left Friday morning before I woke up, so when I came into the kitchen to fix myself breakfast, I found a note waiting for me. It started with “Morning Rach! A few things…” and I felt myself bristle. I expected it to be a list of things he wanted me to do/take care of while he was gone. Because that’s the kind of note I would have left him. In fact, I had been leaving him lots of notes like that lately, because in my opinion, he had been increasingly pulling…

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God Will Never Give You Someone Else’s Husband

Life Lessons, marriage, relationships, second marriage

A friend of mine recently posted this image on Facebook and I was torn by it. While I wholeheartedly agree with its truthful message, I was a little jarred by its delivery. In my past life, I would have reposted the image with hearty agreement, and all the judgment and condemnation I could muster to go along with it. (Note: I’m not criticizing the poster for posting. I don’t know her story. Maybe there’s a woman pursuing her husband right now, and these words are coming from a fragile, threatened heart? I’m just saying in my past life, I would have clicked “post” from a place of self-righteous pride.) But for me today,…

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11 Love Songs for the Lonely

marriage, relationships, second marriage

I remember the first time I went grocery shopping alone as my marriage was disintegrating.  Grocery shopping was something we had always done together. I was walking the aisles feeling pretty sorry for myself already when suddenly the PA system starts playing some 98 Degrees love song that sparked a memory of the beginning of our relationship. The season of it that was white-hot and whirlwind and so certainly God-and-cosmic-universe-ordained.  The part of our relationship that was nothing like what it was now.  The part when I could have never imagined I would ever be grocery shopping alone again for the rest of my life.  But here I was. I absolutely lost it…

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5 Things to Remember if You’re Feeling Less-than-Loved

marriage, relationships, second marriage

Love. That’s the theme of the entire month of February. But for upwards of 50% of the population of the U.S., that’s not a theme worth celebrating. This month only serves as a painful reminder of heartaches and disenchantment from the Disney fairy-tale dream they were promised by today’s culture. My divorce papers were served to me in February of 2011. I was 25. And I found myself crying out, “Now What?” from the hopeless pit of despair in which I sat. Many of you reading these words right now will be sitting in that same place as this February 14th rolls around. For you, it’s more like Singles Awareness Day. And my…

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Big Brother, Don’t You See

Life Lessons, relationships

A few weeks ago, I sat watching my niece and nephew play together.  I smiled and felt a sting of pain simultaneously as I watched the way she looked at him.  She never left his side; she needed to be everywhere he was, doing everything he was doing, at every moment.  And to use an antiquated expression, you would think he hung the moon by the look in her eyes. “It starts that young”, I marveled aloud to my husband. At 20 months she already idolizes her almost 3 year old brother.  I wondered at what age he would become cognizant of it, and how he would take to that responsibility – knowing…

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Speaking Life

marriage, relationships, Spiritual Growth

This week a professional friend/acquaintance told me “you have one of the happiest marriages I’ve ever seen on Facebook.” While I appreciate what he said, his comment in and of itself was a can of worms.  I mean, we are all guilty of using our Social Media pages to portray the “highlight reel” of our lives – I certainly wasn’t posting a status update about the little squabble Barry and I had thirty minutes after that compliment!!  But later that night I thought about what he said while I was taking a shower.  Then I looked up and a reminder of why this is was literally right in front of me. You want…

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Nothing is Ever Hopeless

faith, Life Lessons, marriage, relationships

I have personally experienced the deep, agonizing pain of hopelessness in a marriage. Riding the merry-go-round of blame and shame and anger and bitterness. Being too exhausted to even try anymore.  Feeling like the only solution is out.  That the ONLY possible way either one of you can be happy is to leave and start over. But please trust me, even when it feels like it is….. I let the hopelessness swallow me whole once.  And it cost me my first marriage. I have caught momentary glimpses of this hopelessness at times in my marriage now, but I refuse to give up.  My mentality is so different now.  I stay hopeful.  (And pray…

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I am a Failure

Life Lessons, marriage, relationships, second marriage, Spiritual Growth

Recently, I received a brokenhearted email from a friend. Her email read simply, “Today, I am struggling with feeling like a failure as a wife”. My heart wretched inside me. In a time and place not so long ago, I had uttered those exact words. I struggled with that exact thought in my own mind. Have you ever had those thoughts? I’m a failure. Damaged goods. Tainted. Too far gone. A lost cause. My divorce was the first time in my life I had failed at something. I failed at marriage. I couldn’t make it work no matter how hard I tried. My marriage failed. I failed. Therefore, I am a failure. That…

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A Pressure-Cooked Reminder

marriage, relationships

It’s funny, in the last few weeks there have been so many things going on in our life – MAJOR life changes: my husband quit his job and now works from home, I started a professional speaking career outside my current job, my editor got back to me with all the changes I need to approve in my book, we bought a house….. It’s been overwhelming. I’ve been overwhelmed. Stressed to the max- I can feel it in my body (and so can my chiropractor!) Naturally with all that going on, tension has run high in our home. My husband and I have been bickering and even arguing a lot, which is rare…

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