There’s No Such Thing As Annuals

My mom used to own and operate her own greenhouse. If having a green thumb is a thing, my mom is green head-to-toe – that woman can make anything grow anywhere!

Recently, while sitting on my deck looking at the shriveling petunias left over from our 4th of July party, I was saddened by the fact they were almost completely dead. Brown, dry, crisp. With only a hint of their former green life remaining. Not that I hadn’t been caring for them, but Petunias are annuals, which means they only bloom for one season, one year, and then they die. They will not regrow or bloom again next year, their little roots cannot survive the harsh winter in Ohio.

Even though they were practically dead already, I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away. I imagined them sitting in the bottom of my dumpster feeling rejected and discarded even though they had done nothing wrong. (I’m a bit irrational when it comes to any living thing….ask my husband about it sometime)

But that got me thinking about why God would create something so beautiful, something that brings me (and others) so much joy, to just then wither up and die.

One voice in my head wants to tell me it’s because God isn’t really good or kind or loving. That He is cruel or indifferent.

But another voice, the One I’ve come to hear more often and more clearly, tells me that’s not true.

So, I start there. With the things I know about God that are true:

God is good and kind and loving, and creative.

He makes beautiful things because He enjoys it and He enjoys bringing joy to His children.

God also does not create any living thing that does not reproduce or regenerate itself.

With those facts I concluded, petunias, and therefore all annuals, must actually be man made, genetically altered, for them to die off on the winter.

I text my mom asking if that was the case.

But before she could respond, I had a follow up thought. “Or, is it that every plant is really a perennial (meaning it never dies and/or does come back every year) in the right climate?”

My mom’s response came as her typical short-hand over text, “yes, to the second”.

So it turns out, there is actually no such thing as annuals. They are just perennials planted in the wrong place.

There have been countless persons make an exhaustive number of spiritual metaphors regarding plants and planting. Jesus himself not excluded. (See Matthew 13)

And I don’t doubt at some point in your life – probably more than once – you’ve seen some motivational poster with a striking image of budding flora and the words “bloom where your planted” overlayed.

But still as I snapped this picture this morning and thought of that conversation with my mom, words and ideas started flowing.

I’ve always interpretted Jesus’s parable of the sower as just throw seed everywhere and see what sticks. And that poster communicated just do your part to flourish as much as you possibly can wherever God has you planted in the moment. And that certainly is true and valid.

But I’d never thought about making sure you are darn-well planting in the right place before you start trying to grow something! Otherwise, after one magnificent season full of vigorous and vibrant color you might just shrivel up and die! (Metaphorically speaking, of course)

And then I realized, I think that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

I think that’s a reality of what any of us are doing anytime we experience burnout in a given endeavor. We are trying to grow something somewhere in which God never created it to grow. We want to plant seeds where we want them to be planted, or just any place we can, without stopping to consider the cost of loss come end of season. So it may work for a season, but anytime we are working outside and against God’s intended design, we will ultimately shrivel back into the ground.

I wonder if it hurts God’s heart at all when we bring plants into climates where they can’t survive and then just dig them up and throw them out each year? (I have no idea if He gets as emotionally attached to inanimate objects as I do sometimes) but I can guarantee it hurts Him to watch us trying to force growth in our lives in the wrong territory.

I recommend before you start trying to grow something yourself, take a good look around and ask God if that’s the best place to try to plant a seed or develop roots.

Transplanting is hard. Landscapers literally use the word “trauma” to describe what happens to a plant that has been uprooted and planted somewhere new. But often, it’s what’s best for the health of the plant in the long run.

If where you are now you feel your petals are falling off and leaves are drying up, you might want to think of consulting the Master Gardener about a relocation to the plot he has picked out for you.

LANES, PAINS, AND PLAYDOUGH SALONS

Hi, my name is Meagan. I am a songwriter/nanny/blogger in Nashville, Tennessee. I love Jesus and I love Taco Bell gorditas. I believe the invention of Crocs initiated the American decline. I regularly tell waiters I am allergic to cilantro when really I just don’t like the taste. I have watched Gossip Girl to its seasonal entirety 4 times in the past 10 years (#TeamLonelyBoy). I absolutely adore my friendships, think my family might actually change the world, and applaud any sign of grace over judgement.

So now that we’ve become a little more acquainted, allow me to share one of my most daunting personal issues. I mean, we’re there right?

If I had to choose one thing that holds me back from accomplishing my purpose, it is that vicious little vixen we like to call “comparison.” As a woman, I have found upon confession that I am not the only one filling a seat on this struggle bus, so I hope I am not writing this post in vain.

I moved to Nashville over a year ago and, quite honestly, gained the songwriters momentum quickly. I was focused and driven, a picture perfect cliche of the American dream. I developed deep, valuable friendships within the industry, and began what I hoped to be a thriving career. I came to Nashville believing that one could either be inspired or defeated by the amount of creatives in one city. With the best of intentions, I supported my friends and loved our little songwriting world. And then my friends started succeeding. They went on world tours, got record deals, and signed to labels that set their writing schedules. They instagrammed shows and facebooked conference photos. They began to pass me in the race, versus run alongside. At least, that was my personal, emotional perspective. On the outside, I celebrated each friend, went to their shows, promoted their new albums. But on the inside, I sank and sank fast. My faith and focus faltered, slowly stripping my heart of its original intent and filling it with a fear that God skipped over me and had chosen my friends instead. You see, I struggled with staying in my own lane. I realize that phrase can be highly overused in any self-help arena, but just bear with me as we dissect.

Each of us, upon birth, are given the beautiful gift of a one lane road in the form of a “calling” or “purpose.” God gives us an identity and graces us with dreams and goals to fulfill His ultimate purpose on earth. Our simple task is to stay in our lane and run the race presented before us, to do the best we can with what He’s given.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 3:14

“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.” -1 Corinthians 9:24

I was constantly glancing over at my friends and family, eyeing their race with envy and, ultimately, defeat. If I had simply kept my eyes forward and focused on God’s path versus theirs, who knows what I would’ve accomplished by this time. Comparison is crippling. Learning to stay in your lane and embrace your personal race isn’t easy, trust me, I’m still a work in progress. But there are a few things I’ve picked up along the way that might be worth a read. So how do we stay in our lane? How do we keep that focus? Lucky for you, I have a few car analogies to get things rolling. (Get it? Rolling? Like a tire? Yeah I’m awesome.)

“IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE, DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE”

Remember 5 years ago when Oprah went bat poop cray over texting and driving, creating awareness and a culture shift in her wake? We all know texting and driving is not only idiotic, it can be deadly. Too many statistics solidify that fact. And yet, how many times do we catch ourselves on an empty highway or bored in a traffic jam typing away? We check our Facebook during lunch hours, we don’t go out unless the plan is Instagram-worthy, and we get all our news updates from Twitter. Our lives revolve around connection, and social media has become the great connector. It can be a beautiful thing, a generational tool to be celebrated! It can also be fatal when viewed at the wrong time. One of the main contributors to my personal life-lane swerve was social media. I was in a habit of waking up and hitting my newsfeed before I hit snooze. Everyday I began with a solid dose of comparison. With every “like,” I developed a big fat failure feeling, all before my first cup of coffee.

I will say, it took a certain amount of self-awareness to realize that this was an unhealthy habit for me. Some seasons I can celebrate every single human on my newsfeed with adorational abandon. (No, adorational is not a word.) But I now know there are other seasons when I feel like life is moving a tad slower, or Jesus has me in a waiting period, when I have to monitor my social media intake. If I’m looking over at anothers filtered view of constant success, it’s easy for me to feel like I can never catch up. If you’re constantly checking on another lane, you will veer off your course entirely, causing a mental collision that’s hard to come back from. Satan loves these little stalls, these tiny hits of negativity. Be honest with yourself and your journey. Evaluate whether it’s a healthy season for you to be virtually present, and if it’s not, unplug. Trust me, your world will not end. People will still contact you. Your lunch will be just as good without the stand-on-chair crema filtered photo.

“CHECK YOUR BLINDSPOT, BABY”

One of the first things they teach you in drivers ed is to never change lanes without checking your blindspot. There could be someone else in the way, or a road obstruction outside of your view. When we swerve and skid into another’s lane, comparing ourself to what seems like their massive success, we rarely get the whole picture. We believe the grass is greener, however we don’t know what kind of weeds are hiding in their backyard. It’s so important to check yourself when you begin to compare because you don’t know that persons complete story. You don’t know what they went through to get to this place in their journey. You don’t know what they are currently battling to stay afloat. You don’t know who they hurt, loved, or lost along the way. You are literally comparing your entirety to their partiality and that makes no sense. Perspective is everything. Everyone has a blindspot they keep hidden or quieted, so when you compare keep in mind that you are most likely not getting the full picture.

“WE GON’ CELEBRATE AND HAVE A GOOD TIME”

Remember that feeling you got as a kid? You’d be at your best friend’s birthday party and they’d be joyfully opening presents while you were forced to stand around and watch. Part of you was just happy to be in the room, genuinely excited to be celebrating your friend. The other was absolutely downright jealous that they just opened the brand new state of the art Playdough salon you’d been secretly saving for with every lemonade stand. Can I get a witness? As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that feeling never really goes away. It just transforms itself into light envy via mountaintop engagement Facebook post, or new homeowners keys. You see your friends moving on and having these amazing adulting wins, and boom, here comes that little comparison virus. I have found that a practical way of mentally battling that moment is to outwardly and sometimes embarrassingly celebrate your tribe.

My friend Stephanie is AMAZING at this, ya’ll. If her boys come home from school with even so much as a worm they found on the playground, she will fall to the floor in shrieks of joy over their accomplishment. She is my #momgoals in so many ways. When someone you love has a moment to celebrate and you find yourself comparing, immediately catch it, acknowledge it, and then defeat it by doing the exact opposite of what your feelings tell you. Take the friend to dinner, freak out on their comment section, lose your mind in their general direction. Celebrate your people, because that’s what we are called to do. We are called to laugh with those who laugh, and mourn with those who mourn. So laugh, even when you feel like less, even when you feel left out or alone. Let those closest to you know that no matter what is happening in your life, you value their dreams and goals and support them completely. This isn’t easy. Trust me, I know. There was a moment in a particularly hard season of singleness when a friend of mine announced her pregnancy. I had a choice. I could celebrate alongside her or cower in my defeat. I chose to celebrate her, shower her, and quite honestly over-honor her. I am so glad I did. God blesses that obedience, and He fills that hurt. He is glorified through your willingness to lay your life down for your friend. So ya’ll, celebrate good times, come on.

“HONEY, YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR”

The main thing that shocks me back into reality when I find myself comparing is one simple truth: THIS IS NOT MY LANE. Let me explain. This life, this gift of humanity you’ve been given, this lane is not yours. It belongs to God, first and foremost, no argument. When I focus on me, my failures, my insecurities, I forget the fact that this life and lane is meant to glorify Him.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -Galations 1:10

Yikes. That’s terrifyingly blunt. “I would not be a servant of Christ if I was trying to please man.” We are here to share the gospel and our calling in life is perfectly assigned to reflect that truth. The fact of the matter is, if you stay in your lane and keep your focus above versus beside, you’ll realize this race, this journey is not about you. It’s about Jesus. And if it’s about Jesus, then there’s nothing that compares. He is all that matters, His heart, His opinion, His work is incomparable. This life is not about us. Your lane is not really your lane. It belongs to God. When I remember this, it puts everything into perspective. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing or accomplishing. My passion and focus is on Jesus, and that alone is the prize. That alone is all I need to fulfill me. That alone is all I desire.

Trust that Jesus sees you and loves you. He celebrates you and covers you. When you look from right to left, don’t compare your story. Jesus doesn’t. Like I said, I am still a work in progress when it comes to comparison. But oh how the pressure releases when I remember that this life is not my own. I’ve learned that if I keep my focus on Him, He never fails me. Stay in your lane. It might seem small right now, the road may seem windy or difficult, but know that God has gone before you. He sees every lane on that road and has made sure you are in the exact one that will fulfill the desires of your heart and bring others to His kingdom.

Celebrate your tribe, press forward, embrace God’s plan for your life. STAY IN YOUR LANE. And always honk if you love Jesus, ya’ll.

(If you’d like to read more humorously insightful posts by Meagan, you can find her blog here: www.thegracefulattempt.com )

Big Brother, Don’t You See

A few weeks ago, I sat watching my niece and nephew play together. I smiled and felt a sting of pain simultaneously as I watched the way she looked at him. She never left his side; she needed to be everywhere he was, doing everything he was doing, at every moment. And to use an antiquated expression, you would think he hung the moon by the look in her eyes.

“It starts that young”, I marveled aloud to my husband.

At 20 months she already idolizes her almost 3 year old brother. I wondered at what age he would become cognizant of it, and how he would take to that responsibility – knowing little sister is always watching. I wondered if he would be loving and inclusive like he is now, or if he would be cold and dismissive and indifferent like my big brother had been to me. My eyes stung with tears as I wished so much for him to be the prior. I thought about how much that yearning to be just like him would grow and manifest in different ways as she got older. And I prayed a silent prayer she wouldn’t fall into the trap I did of needing acceptance and affirmation from the one human being who withheld it from her. I prayed she would know she is loved and wanted, even in the times Big Brother wasn’t showing it.

Later that week as that memory replayed in my mind, I started to put these words together, “Big Brother don’t you see….” I decided to sit down and write a letter to Jeremy, a lesson or reminder for him that Big Brother is a big responsibility. I knew it would be read to him now and he would not fully understand, but I imagine him pulling this letter out over the years, as he grows and his knowledge and understanding develops. As he enters different life stages, these words will take on new meaning with each reading.

I was only a few stanzas in when I found myself weeping inconsolably at my computer. I realized I was writing this letter to my 35 year old brother as much as I was to 35 month old Jeremy. I was saying all the things I wish he had known and been conscious of as we were growing up.

As I was writing, my heart broke thinking about how much pressure all this was on little Jeremy – to be all these things, to be EVERYTHING to his little sister. And I suddenly saw a piece of the puzzle I had never seen before. I saw how much pressure and unrealistic expectations I had put on my own Big Brother. I thought about how hard that must have been on him, always being on a pedestal and living in a glass house. Never having any room to make mistakes and learn without immediately feeling like a huge disappointment. And in that moment I wept for him also.

So I penned a response to the first letter for Penelope called, “Little Sister, please remember….” Things I wish I had known, and what I want Penelope to know and and be mindful of as she grows.

It’s taken me a while to settle on just the right words and I wrestled with whether or not I would share it with the world, or just them. My husband read it and was deeply moved and convicted about his relationship with his little sister, he said he thought it was a good reminder for every Big Brother (and little sister) to have. So here you go:

Big brother don’t you see?

Big brother don’t you see?
her little eyes are watching,
watching everything you do.

Big brother don’t you see?
she wants to be just like you –
always emulating –
a lifelong game of monkey see, monkey do.

Big brother don’t you see
the way she follows you around
and looks up to your example?
Your feet never touch the ground.

There’s no more super a hero,
in a cape or tights
Though she loves father,
it’s brother she longs to be just like.

So, Big Brother, you have a job to do
and I hope you do it well
with all your heart and soul
and your striving never quell.

say your prayers
and brush your teeth
mind mamma well
don’t forget your q’s & p’s.

hold her tight when she cries
when she’s scared in the night
because in those little eyes
you make everything alright.

She won’t be little long.

So love her well
and show her right,
and always be the one
to settle the fight.

When you’re older,

hold your temper
and mind your words
because everything you say
matters most to her.

Forever your sister,
A friend if you let her.
Oh Big Brother can’t you see?
There’s nothing she’d like better.

You are her whole world
her moon and her stars,
And so also the one who
can cause the deepest scars.

So let her tag along
and be a part of things
tell her she’s included
and just watch the joy it brings.

Big brother don’t you see?
That’s all it takes to show
that to brother she matters
and that’s all she needs to know.

Click Here to Read “Little Sister, Please Remember”

Woman Camp

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Recently, my church held a camping weekend woman’s retreat, they called it “Woman Camp”.

Ten years ago, if you had told me I would be signing up for a camping trip for 500 women only – voluntarily – I would have thought you were crazy. Sure I had attended plenty of women-only events… out of sheer obligation, but not excitedly. And I didn’t really feel like I fit in when I was there, I just didn’t relate.

In case you don’t know me, I am exactly equal parts fashionista and tomboy; which means you’re just as likely to catch me barefoot as you are in AWESOME stilettos. My best friends had almost exclusively always been guys and that’s who I spent time with.
If you were a female, you had to be not “chick-like”, but love shoes as much as me, to be invited into my circle. Chicks were crazy, high-maintenance and drama, I said.

And then, after a few years of experiencing hurt and neglect and verbal abuse and rejection, I became one of the crazy chicks. I suddenly understood all their feelings and irrational behaviors for the first time. I found myself acting out, just as irrationally.
I experienced the “why” behind their “what”, the root behind their fruit (as Jennifer Beckham would say), firsthand.

And that’s when it happened: My heart broke for them. All of them. From the most meek and timid and insecure, to the most angry and bitter and malicious, because under the surface they were all dealing with the same root(s), and so was I. I got it.

My heart softened toward them. I started listening to them instead of talking about them. Many of their stories were so similar to mine.

And then, I got mad. I saw how easily the enemy manipulates and abuses this gender – my gender. And in my heart, an agape love for these people was cultivated.

And then a handful of beautiful girls stepped alongside me and showed me what a sisterhood looks like. They loved me relentlessly and graciously accepted all my parts – the good, the bad, the tomboy and the ugly. 😉 And I wanted to do the same for them.

It didn’t take long before all the pieces fit together, and a PASSION for leading women out of bondage and shame, fear and isolation and into freedom, healing, wholeness and restoration was born in my soul.

That’s what this Woman Camp weekend was about for me – getting to be a part of that movement in Cincinnati, inside my church community. I got a glimpse of what that passion looks like coming to fruition. I wanted a front row seat to watch God do incredible, miraculous things in and through women. And I was excited to be a part of or help facilitate lives changing in any way I could.

This weekend was also a time of refreshing and worship away with my Father. It was Him showing me his plans and visions for me, once again. Him reminding me that He is handling everything, from every angle, and I’m just along for the ride – Safe. Protected. Provisioned. Called. Chosen. Anointed. Unqualified, but made qualified for this task through Him.

Let the veils stay lifted away and burned for each of us, and a clear picture of who God says we are and is calling us to be be branded in our mind’s eye. Our God has so much more for us. We are free women. No longer slaves to fear. We are children of God.

Boys Don’t Like Girls Who Bite Their Nails

I wanted to call this blog, “Boys Don’t Like Girls Who Bite Their Nails – And Other Habit-Breaking Pieces of Wisdom” but that was a bit wordy, and my editor tells me I need to work on that.

For as long as I could remember, I was a nail-biter. Like the compulsive, bite-down-until-they-bleed kind. I know, it’s a dirty, disgusting habit. You don’t have to tell me. In middle school my older brother endowed me with the timeless wisdom, “Boys don’t like girls who bite their nails.” Thanks brother. Nice pep talk.

I had tried putting tape over them, bitter-tasting stuff on them, sheer will-power, and a myriad of other tricks to get myself to stop. But even if I held out for a while the first snag I had, the whole nail was chewed off to the bed again.

At 20 I was dirt-poor living on my own in Cincinnati, working as a receptionist, and still biting my nails. I remember driving home from work one Friday, a payday. I didn’t have any plans for the rainy night, and as I pulled off the exit gnawing on my bloody stump of a tomboy nail, I made a decision. I steered my car into a nail salon parking lot and decided to get a manicure. A real one. Not the press-on nails from Walmart for prom night type of manicure.

But first, let me explain what I mean by I was dirt poor: I don’t mean, I was buying bargain “select” instead of “prime” cut meats at the grocery, I mean a shopping at the Dollar Store with my $10 grocery budget for the week after all my other expenses came out of my paycheck. Any decent meals I had came from dates I went on and their subsequent leftovers. (Thank you bachelors of Cincinnati for sustaining me for 2 years.) So for me to invest FORTY DOLLARS into a French manicure, it might as well have been a million! But I knew if I paid such a high cost for my nails, I wouldn’t dare bite them off.

I felt a little silly, since I didn’t even know how to answer some of the questions they were asking me about my preferences at the salon. It hurt while they were working on me since my fingers were raw. And God love the technician who just had to make up the white lines halfway down my nail. But when they were finished, I looked down at my hands and felt so much pride. I felt ladylike and professional and fancy.

By the time the polish fully chipped off a couple weeks later, my nails had grown out enough they passed the end of my fingertips. I liked the way it looked and moreso, the way it made me feel. Accomplished, proud, sophisticated, mature, and clean.

I never bit my nails again to this day.

So here’s the point of telling you my nail biting story. Rarely do I get motivational-speaker-y, but over the last decade since breaking my first nasty habit, I’ve learned a few things about setting goals, breaking habits and getting things done I’d like to share with you.

I think we’re collectively beyond the naiveté that New Year’s Day is the only time to start over, set a new goal, or establish a new habit in life. You can do this any day of any month you want. But we are in that season of the year when more people are at least thinking of things in their life they would want to be different. So let’s set you up for success with 8 simple tips if you’re planning to go after any of them:

1. If you want your life to change, something in your life has to change.

I recently heard a speaker say this: “If 2016 is going to be different than 2015, then 2016 has to be different than 2015. You can’t make the same choices and decisions in 2016 and expect your life to be different come 2017.” Period.

2. You value what costs you something. The greater the sacrifice for a change, the more likely it is to be permanent.

The first time I went to a gym with any consistency is when I was in another very tight spot financially, planning my wedding. I couldn’t afford a gym membership, but wanted to tone up before my big day. A local gym offered a 21 day trial membership that required a $60 good- faith deposit. If you didn’t come to the gym at least 3 days a week during your trial, they kept the money. So I wrote them a check that I didn’t have the money to cash and you better believe my ass was in that gym every day the doors were open.

3. Be specific with your goals.

Nothing says, “nothing is going to get accomplished” like vague, immeasurable goals. Rather than saying, “Lose weight” How much weight do you want to lose and by what date? Or, “I want to become a better person” make it specific like this:

THIS YEAR:

A bad habit I’m going to break:

A new skill I will learn:

A person I hope to be more like:

A good deed I’m going to do:

A place I will visit:

A book I will read:

A letter I’m going to write:

A food I’m going to try:

And set a deadline for each of them.

4. Write. It. down.

It’s ridiculous the amount of data, studies and articles that irrefutably confirm people who physically write out their goals are guaranteed more likely to accomplish them than those who don’t. (http://sidsavara.com/personal-productivity/why-3-of-harvard-mbas-make-ten-times-as-much-as-the-other-97-combined)

Stop being lazy. Stop thinking you’ll beat the statistics. Just write them down.

5. Bad habits MUST be replaced with a good habit to last.

Biting my nails was replaced with regular, professional nail care. And when I couldn’t afford it, I still invested the time and energy to put polish on my own nails so as not to let myself slip back into my old habits.

Kicking soda? Replace it water, ounce for ounce.

You’re fasting from Facebook/Social Media in January? Great. What are you going to do with that time you now have available? Because if you just replace it with browsing other internet sites, you’re not any better off without Facebook. And, even if you have the willpower to make it through your fast period, you will revert right back to your old Facebook habit as soon as it’s over.

How about investing that time into reading a book on self-development or relationships, or playing an educational game with your kids? when you feel like quitting

6. KNOW YOURSELF.

You have to know what works for you and what doesn’t, what motivates you and what keeps you accountable. Things that work for other people might not work the same for you.

I know my natural tendency is to want to come in after a long day of work and just veg out, watch TV, do nothing. But, I learned that if I do that I will be too drained to be productive after. So if I want to get a workout or some reading in that night, I know for me, I have to do those things first. Then let myself relax with a TV show as a reward. That motivates me. That works for me. And it’s something I can stick to because of my task-oriented personality. That might not work for you. Maybe you need accountability partners. Or a physical checklist. But you’ve got to figure what does motivate you and keep you accountable and start implementing it NOW.

(PS, I read a book that taught me this lesson, it’s called, “Eat That Frog: 21 Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time”. Buy it here:

Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time)

7. Stop lying to yourself, and the people in your life.

This goes along with #6. Nothing is of more frustration than people who are always setting new goals and never finding a way to keep themselves accountable to them. It’s ok to miss a goal and re-set it, but setting a new weight loss goal every tomorrow, while you finish off that donut or late night pizza is only kidding yourself. And truthfully, hurting your self-image. Not to mention, breaking down the trust of the people in your life. (But that’s a whole other conversation)

You’re never going to achieve ANY goal that you don’t have a daily, viable plan to walk out. Which leads us to #8.

8.Make a daily plan.

Creating new habits and accomplishing goals and dreams is only EVER accomplished by consistent, daily effort. You’re not going to lose 30 lbs before Summer by working out 2 hours a day one week, taking three weeks off, working out 3 hours one day, taking four days off…. But if you show up for 15-30 minutes a day, every day, you can.

Did you know if you read for 15 minutes a day for a whole year, that’s over 91 HOURS of reading?! If the average book takes 5 solid hours to read, that’s 18 books in a year! Even if a book takes you twice as long, that’s 9 books a year. A lot can change in your life by reading 9 books in an area you want to grow in.

If you want to publish that book, you’ve got to write every day. Even if it’s just a sentence or a paragraph.

If your goal is growing your relationship with God, you’ve got to show up and invest in that relationship by diving into the Word and praying every day.

If you want to save up to buy that [new house, new car, whatever], you’ve got to make a decision with your money every day, by the things you don’t let yourself spend on.

To close, I’ll leave you with the best quote I saw this year to keep in mind when setting a New Year’s – or any – Resolution:

fast forward

Let’s all be watchful of spending time setting and going after goals that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Sit down and think about what you even want your life to be about, what you want it to look like, what legacy you want to leave after it’s over. Only then can you map out the goals and steps you need to get there.

Slow down to speed up.

A Word of Caution to the Girls Like Me

This is for the girls with Incredible Fathers. I know it’s hard to imagine this blessing would require a word of caution, but bear with me…

DAD
My father has exemplified what it means to be a Christian man, husband, brother, son and father every day of my life. I have never seen him waver. The strength and conviction of his character inspires those around him to be better themselves.

I have watched him lead our immediate (and extended family at times) spiritually. I have seen him confidently assume leadership roles in church my whole life.

He is always smiling and laughing. His countenance affects joy in every person he encounters. You just feel better after being around my father.

His love is unconditional.

Even when I have done things to disappoint him. He loved me enough to discipline me when I was younger, but would always hold me in his arms while I cried afterwards. Still today when I miss the mark, he wraps me in his arms and tells me, “it’s ok,” he still loves me anyway.

My father has a servant’s heart and is a true gentleman. He is always the first to open a door, lift heavy things, fix any and everything for anyone, give someone a ride, deliver a meal, and sow money generously. I have seen him go out of his way at his inconvenience to help people in need, pray for and with people, visit people in the hospital, deliver communion to people who were shut in, minister to hurting souls and baptize those in need. He truly loves people with all his heart.

I have never had to look past my father for an example. And I pray that I can emulate his example to the people in my life.
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My father has tried every day of my existence to show me the Love of our Heavenly Father. And he has succeeded, as much as humanly possible. It is so easy for me to read about the character of God and believe it because I have lived with a glimpse of it my whole life here on earth.

I would say I’m biased, but anyone who has ever met my father knows every word of this is true. I have had multiple people reach out to me to tell me what my father has done for them and meant to them.

I know his brothers are more of the same and I am so fortunate to call the Pennington men my family.

I am blessed beyond measure to call Donald my Daddy.

With such an incredible example and standard of what a “real man” should be in my life, sometimes it’s easy for me to expect too much from other men. I remember the times I shouted at my ex-husband for not doing something the way my father would, or doing something he would never.

I will never forget the advice my mom gave me once when I was comparing him to what a “real man” should be….. she sweetly reminded me that my father has had a lot more practice at being a great man. He spent his whole life becoming “mister perfect”; that he didn’t start out that way, and it’s not really fair to expect that from a newlywed husband.

(And what wisdom from a woman who spent her whole life covering any faults my father may have had from her children, guarding his reputation, so we always had the best perspective of our father! She knew you can’t follow someone you don’t respect.)

It was a lesson I didn’t take enough to heart at the time, but one I will never forget.

This is not about “settling” for someone, it’s about acknowledging that you are both flawed individuals who need grace. With my husband now, I try to live with much more patience and grace, and the sweet expectancy that one day my child will get to experience having a father like my own!

But this will ONLY happen if I continue to help draw that out of him by loving and respecting him unconditionally, just as he is, at every step of the way. Not by letting him know all the ways he doesn’t measure up to Donald.

Surviving High School

Saw an article yesterday about a beautiful 16 year old girl who committed suicide over Christmas and I feel convicted to say this to my younger friends on here:

High school, like many things in this life, in this world, is temporary. greatest prison

Keep the big picture in your mind at all times. I know it’s difficult, but think more long-term than what is happening this week or this month. Be about bigger things in life. Build your name, your reputation, on things of character.

If you have really messed up and made a mistake, or made a fool of yourself – it’s ok, we’ve all been there. Apologize where necessary, forgive yourself and move on.

Popularity ends on graduation day. It doesn’t mean a damn thing in real life. Honestly. That is good news for some people and bad news for others. kindness

Be nice to everyone, always. Be the kid that includes everyone. One day, I promise, you’ll be glad you did.
Pay no mind to those who aren’t nice, except to pray for them. It’s their problem not yours. Their insecurities, their guilt, their anger and bitterness driving them to do what they do and say what they say.

Most importantly, ALWAYS remember, it’s hurting people that hurt other people. Those the mark of true maturity girls calling you names, or the boys making fun of your body are actually crying out for love, for acceptance. It’s not really about you at all. And one day (most of them) will realize that. The few who don’t, well, they never really leave high school, but that’s ok, because you will.

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you.” – Song of Solomon 4:7

forgive others peace

The Lost Year

time's up blog

Driving around running last minute holiday errands, my husband says to me, “Babe! 2014 was such a great year.”

“Yeah?” I was racking my brain to think of any significant milestones or events.

“Yeah. We got engaged, we got married…..”

“Nope. That all happened in 2013.” I replied.

“Ooohh. Then what happened in 2014?”

“Exactly.”

He paused for a minute while he tried to think of other things, “….Wow, I lost a whole year.”

Today, January 1st, 2015 is the first time I ever felt completely unprepared for a new year. I was not ready to write a 1- in the upper right hand corner of my page today. Everything in me screamed it was still 12- that I still had more time. I wasn’t ready to start carrying my new planner, because I felt I wasn’t done with the last one. With so much left undone and unaccomplished in 2014, I started to feel a little disheartened, especially with it being such a milestone year as I turned 30. And I realized, I never want to feel that way again.

Today, I resolved to never leave a year unfinished again.

After receiving that clear conviction, I felt my focus shift to what I was able to accomplish and see to fruition in 2014. I guess it wasn’t a completely lost year. Could we call it a year of transition?

In 2014 I:
Learned Discernment

For years I have been praying for discernment in hearing God’s voice, the promptings of the Holy Spirit. It took losing a friend on earth, and finding his voice afterwards that I learned how to tune myself into God’s voice in my mind. Now that I hear it loud and clear, I’m working on obedience. Every time.

Worked Camp

Working senior high church camp this Summer was an affirmation (that I needed) that I am good enough. That God can still use me. That I am wanted and accepted for His work.

I was blessed in meeting those kids and having the opportunity to minister to them, and influence their lives through social media even afterwards.

God showed me plainly that my story reaches beyond just other twentysomething divorcees. Which added fuel to the fire of my freshly renewed purpose.

Experienced Joy

I am only now realizing, as I type this, the irony of God having me focus on Joy for the majority of this year. That despite 2014 was a time I could have been more frustrated and impatient and disappointed than ever with our stagnation, He had me meditating and studying and developing true Joy in my life and in my spirit. So that I find myself deeply satisfied, always; despite our current circumstances, or station. I guess during that, He was also growing my patience.

I know God never gives you anything you can’t handle. That sometimes before our Promised Land, we have to spend a little time in the desert while He develops specific things in us.

Discernment, Worth & Purpose, Joy & Patience…. I’d say those are all pretty valuable things. And I didn’t realize I was lacking in any of them. So instead of Lost, let’s call 2014, The Desert Year.

The greatest victory of this year is that without even trying, I have already had other people take notice of these developments in me, and reach out to ask how they might develop them for themselves. Two people have already asked me to “mentor” them in their goals this year. The years when I was working so hard to prove what a leader I was, no one ever noticed.

God can do so many greater things in us than we ever can on our own. No matter how many books we read, or how many audios we listen to, while those are important, more important than that is simply letting go, listening, and allowing God’s Spirit work to in us to develop exactly what we need for Him to use.

And if that’s the only lesson I took away from 2014, I’d say it was a pretty good year after all.

Things I Learned in 2009

Sometimes despite all your best efforts, cautions, standards and tenacity you just get hurt.

Sometimes you just have to let people go.

Sometimes you end up hurting those you love most.

Sometimes you just screw up and miss it all together. And in those times when you just don’t think you can get any lower or screw up any more… You find grace. And realize it’s all going to be ok.

Sometimes you just have to let people IN, despite how vulnerable that makes you feel. Because in the end they will end up helping you grow, making you a better person.

Sometimes you discover things about yourself you never knew. Some of those things you may not like. Others you may be pleasantly surprised by.

God always knows best.

He brings people and things into our lives right when we need them.

Sometimes making new friends is exactly what you need. Sometimes re-finding old best friends is the only thing you need. And when you do, it’s the best feeling in the world.

Sometimes your circumstances- usually the ones you don’t like – are absolutely no one’s fault but your own. And you just have to deal with them, learn from them, and avoid them again in the future.

Sometimes you just need to slow down take a deep breath and start over. Maybe even tomorrow.

Sometimes you just need to take a nap!

Disciplined is not something that you are, or you aren’t. It’s a daily battle, to be disciplined, and it is determined only by the decisions you make, and the actions you take.

The same is true for everything about you in life. You are not who you think you are, or who you believe you are, you are only the decisions you make, every day.

Which brings me to my next point – you can only lie to yourself so long.

The good news about that is, you can be someone completely different than you are today, just by making different decisions tomorrow. You can be exactly who you want to be.

Sometimes, that’s a relief, because you don’t like who you are today.

And if you do like who you are today, all you have to do is make those same quality decisions tomorrow.

Sometimes – no, all of the time – other people’s actions are completely out of your control. The sooner you realize that and let that go, the easier life becomes. Even if their actions and decisions hurt you in the meantime.

Because sometimes despite all your best efforts, cautions, standards and tenacity you just get hurt.

[January 1, 2010]